In my years of ministry, I have realized that I have often desired acceptance and affirmation from the broader Christian community. At times, I longed for opportunities such as speaking at conferences, being sought out for advice on cultural issues, or having a larger platform. Over the years, however, that desire has steadily diminished as I have grown in my appreciation for the value of the local church. Even so, the need for acceptance still surfaces from time to time. Recently, I have found myself wrestling with the feeling of not fitting in.

The phrase “black sheep” is an idiom, which means it has a figurative meaning rather than a literal one. It refers to someone who is seen as different, an outsider, or someone who does not fit in with a family, group, or community. While it has traditionally had a negative meaning, some people now use it in a positive way to describe someone who thinks independently or is willing to stand apart from the crowd.

For me, “Brown Sheep” seems to be a more fitting description, though I recognize that I will have to define it since it is not an established idiom. I use “Brown Sheep” as a metaphor for my experience of not always fitting the expectations of the broader Christian culture because of my background, culture, or approach to ministry. Yet, I know that I belong to the Good Shepherd. It is not a statement of rebellion or rejection, but an expression of embracing the unique way God has made and called me while remaining firmly rooted in Christ and faithfully committed to His church. It is also an admission that I feel like I am not able to fit in certain circles within the Christian Community.

Recently, someone asked me about the bracelets I wear and wondered why I had them on. I explained that they serve as daily reminders of the God I love and worship. On my left wrist, I wear a bracelet with the name of Jesus written in Hebrew.

On my right wrist, I wear another bracelet with the name Yahweh in Hebrew, along with a smaller bracelet bearing the names of my grandchildren. Every morning, when I see them, I thank God for who He is and for the children He has given me. Yet, the questions and skepticism about how they looked left me with the sense that I was being misunderstood. It reminded me that I do not always fit within certain Christian circles.

Another example is the chain attached to my wallet. I bought it while traveling in Rome after being warned about the city’s many pickpockets. It also helps because I have a long history of misplacing my wallet. However, I realize that wallet chains are often associated with Gothic or alternative styles, and perhaps that association contributed to the concerns people may have had. Whether it was my bracelets or my wallet chain, both experiences reminded me that I may not always fit the expectations of some people, even when the reasons behind them are entirely different from what others assume.

As someone who embraces the Doctrines of Grace, loves reading the Puritans, and holds firmly to the sovereignty of God over all things, I have often felt that I do not fit culturally within the circles that most closely align with my theology. At the same time, I clearly do not fit within other movements within the visible church because of my theological and philosophical convictions. I do not affirm women serving as pastors, the continuation of the apostolic office, or the claim that modern-day prophets receive direct revelation from God. My convictions place me outside of those movements as well. Rather than seeking to fit into either camp, my desire is to faithfully proclaim the true gospel and encourage people to embrace a biblical understanding of Christ, His church, and His Word, even when that means challenging practices that I believe are inconsistent with Scripture.

I do desire to be accepted by the Christian community to which I belong. Thankfully, I am part of a denomination that is firmly committed to the authority of Scripture, and I have been blessed with brothers in ministry who have shown me grace and recognized my sincere love for the Lord. Even so, I think I am sometimes misunderstood. For example, some brothers initially assumed I was a b-boy (a breakdancer). That was never true, and certainly not something I was doing during Sunday worship! Others assumed that I preached exclusively in Spanish or that our church’s worship was simply R&B. Neither of those assumptions was true and accurate. While our church has an urban style and may arrange hymns with an urban flavor, what we do is not R&B. Those kinds of misunderstandings have reminded me that people can sometimes make assumptions based on appearances or style without really knowing who I am or what our ministry is about.

I have come to realize and accept that I may never fully fit into either side. Even so, God has graciously given me brothers and fellow pastors who genuinely love me and know me for who I am, despite our cultural differences. Whether it is my preaching style, the way I dress, the way I speak, or the music I enjoy, such as Black gospel or Christian hip hop, those differences have not kept them from seeing my heart for Christ. I am not suggesting that I bring my everyday style into every ministry setting. As an example, I believe there is wisdom in dressing appropriately for the occasion, especially when preaching or speaking at an event. But in my everyday life, I wear certain things and enjoy aspects of culture that some people may not consider typical or acceptable within their Christian circles. When I am invited to preach or speak, however, I gladly seek to honor the setting and those I am serving by dressing appropriately.

At the end of the day, my struggle with feeling unaccepted is ultimately my own issue, even if there are times when those feelings are rooted in real experiences. My identity is in Christ, and the local church I have the privilege of serving has embraced me, encouraged me, and affirmed the ministry God has entrusted to me. That is where my heart should rest. I also recognize that many within the visible church pursue platforms, recognition, and larger audiences. I believe that desire often stems from a deeper longing for God’s approval that has been misplaced onto the approval of people. It can grow out of insecurity, a desire to be known, or a longing for attention.

While I do believe there are genuine reasons why I may not fit into certain circles within the body of Christ, I must guard against two opposite errors: conforming to those circles simply to gain acceptance or rejecting them altogether. Instead, I want to navigate both with wisdom and grace. Where I encounter theological error, I want to lovingly point people to what the Scriptures teach. Where I share theological convictions but differ culturally or philosophically, I want to extend grace, seek to understand others’ hearts, and bring clarity where there are misunderstandings. That, I believe, is what pursuing biblical unity looks like.