On Sunday, I felt led to share how discouraged I had been about some of the challenges in our church. To be clear, there are many good things happening, but my honesty came from recognizing that since we started street preaching on our block and sharing the gospel more openly in our community, there’s been noticeable spiritual warfare. That opposition has left me feeling weighed down and discouraged at times. After sharing this with the church, I couldn’t shake the thought that some might think I was ready to quit ministry or on the verge of breaking down, which isn’t true at all, but the concern still crossed my mind.

Pastors often struggle with feeling safe about what they share. We have to think about the possible repercussions, how people might perceive it, and the belief that pastors “shouldn’t” express weakness. The real challenge is finding a place to be vulnerable and still feel safe afterward. That’s why many in ministry hide their pain, put on fake smiles, and act as if they’re untouchable. When I shared my discouragement with the whole congregation, those thoughts definitely crossed my mind, but I also thought about our people, who at times feel the same way, like they have to hide their struggles instead of being honest about what they’re going through.

There is wisdom in knowing who to share with. I have had times when sharing my struggles caused others to become concerned in ways that weren’t warranted. For example, when I expressed feeling discouraged and needing a sabbatical, some assumed I was on the brink of quitting pastoral ministry. In reality, it was simply a season of challenges; challenges in marriage, parenting, and finances. These were not disqualifying issues but areas that needed care and rest, which is why a sabbatical was recommended. Even with that experience, my need to be transparent hasn’t changed, because as a pastor I must remain accountable and never live a double life. Unfortunately, both in the world and in the church, it has become common, and even normalized, for people to live two separate lives, one public and one private.

As difficult as it was for me to share my discouragements with the church, I have to leave the outcome in the Lord’s hands. I felt led to open up, and some told me they were encouraged by my honesty. Others, however, may have left with concerns, perhaps thinking pastors shouldn’t share that way or that it reflected instability. I don’t know how everyone received it, but I do know this: I am not only a pastor but also a man and a brother among my church family, entrusted with the responsibility of caring for God’s people. I will give an account for both my teaching and my life, and that reality keeps me humble and dependent on the Lord. Still, I refuse to live a life that hides behind appearances. I won’t distance myself from being vulnerable and transparent with those I consider family. That doesn’t mean everyone needs to know every detail of my struggles, but it does mean a pastor should strive to be open, sharing what God is doing in his life and inviting others to pray through the struggles he faces.

I want to live free from the fear that comes with vulnerability and transparency. I desire wisdom in what I share, but not fear. I don’t want to be controlled by the fear of man, the fear of what others think or how they interpret my words, the fear of being labeled, criticized, or even of people leaving the church. I want the kind of freedom that allows me to love God and love others. By sharing what I did, my hope was to encourage others to break free from isolation and to live as open, living epistles that can be read by all. I pray that my sharing of my own struggles helps others grow in their life and walk with Christ.