I don’t know why I keep struggling with the tension between life going well and my mind still defaulting to a negative lens. Maybe it’s like pain tolerance—some people can handle more than others—and maybe I’ve just gotten used to living with a negative mindset. Most of the time, I don’t even notice the tension until it starts affecting others. That’s when I start asking questions, digging deeper, and doing what I’m doing now: looking inward, recognizing my patterns, and trying not to lose myself in the moment.

I’m naturally pessimistic—pessimism is my default. Being positive or optimistic takes real effort, unfortunately. What it tends to do is magnify the negative truths in my life. Challenges feel more like threats. Trials don’t just test me—they burn. Conflicts with others turn into deep, soul-wrenching turmoil. It creates an expectation for the worst and assumes the worst, leaving me in a constant internal battle. On the outside, I may seem fine, but inside, it often feels like I’m in a quiet crisis.

This is what it looks like for people who struggle with optimism. It might sound concerning or raise questions, but it’s not unlike what believers in Scripture experienced—those moments when despondency and anguish overwhelmed them.

Elijah, even after a powerful victory, ran for his life and asked God to take him, saying, “I have had enough, Lord” (1 Kings 19:4). David, in the Psalms, cried out in anguish: “Why are you cast down, O my soul?” (Psalm 42:5) and “How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?” (Psalm 13:1).

Job, devastated by suffering, questioned why he was even born and longed for death (Job 3:11; 6:8–9). Jeremiah, known as the weeping prophet, was so burdened that he cursed the day he was born. Our Lord Jesus, in the Garden of Gethsemane, said, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Matthew 26:38). 

There are many other examples, but this kind of internal struggle is a normal part of the testimony of Scripture—and it may also be a normal part of the journey for individual believers.

God was present in the lives of His people—even in their moments of despondency and when they felt like He was far away.

However, the soul can still feel this way even while knowing that God is present. The psalmist expresses this tension in Psalm 73:21-23.

When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you. Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand.

For those of us fighting for joy, we hold on to the “nevertheless.” We aim to turn grief into joy, struggle into peace, pain into healing, and trials into opportunities. We survive—and sometimes even thrive—when we’re under pressure, when our minds are clouded, yet we still find solid ground beneath our feet. People like me are fighters. We push through, and even though we lean naturally toward negativity and pessimism, we still believe that God is good. We cling to the unchanging truth of who He is. While the world shifts, people change, and even we ourselves change, our hope stays rooted in the unchanging character of God.

People in these situations understand what an old preacher once told me: “It takes dirt to grow.” Growth in the hearts of those who live with ongoing inner turmoil might sound like something that calls for medication—and sometimes it does—but biblically, it’s familiar ground. God often brings something beautiful out of people who have been tested and tried. It’s a life marked by reality, toughness, and grit. So if this is you, know that you’re not alone. Fighting for joy is part of the journey God has given to those of us who love Him and want to honor Him in all we do.

Fight to do what Philippians 4:8 says to do.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

I don’t know why I continue to wrestle with the tension between life going well and my mind still defaulting to a negative lens. But I do know this—God is good, and there is a day coming when complete peace and joy will be fully known and experienced in the face of Christ Jesus.