My wife and I had a wonderful time of fellowship and dinner with another couple today. We reminisced about past memories, discussed current events, and shared some of the challenges we’re facing. We also expressed our deep appreciation for all that the Lord has done and continues to do in our home church.

One of the topics we discussed was the tendency to replace genuine, face-to-face community with structured gatherings that lack true intimacy. It seems that in many churches, fellowship groups are taking place, yet many attendees still feel disconnected. While they participate, conversations often remain surface-level, topics tend to be generic, and meaningful connections outside of the group are rare or nonexistent.

Many have described it as feeling like there’s a wall between them and others in their fellowship groups. This wall seems most evident when the group is the only form of connection. More importantly, the desire for one-on-one time—where vulnerability and transparency can truly happen—is often missing. As a result, the fellowship group lacks depth and eventually becomes a shallow, artificial gathering. There are reasons behind this, and I believe Jesus holds the answers.

When we examine the ministry of Jesus, we see that He intentionally chose twelve disciples to journey with Him (Luke 6:13). One of His first acts was calling them out of their comfort zones. They left behind their livelihoods, families, and all they knew to follow Him (Matthew 4:18-22; Luke 5:27-28). Jesus not only ministered to the disciples but also ministered with them, immersing them in His daily life. They ate together, walked together, talked together, and even faced struggles together (Mark 3:14; John 15:15).

The depth of fellowship Jesus shared with His disciples is a powerful reminder that we, too, are called to pursue meaningful relationships with one another intentionally and consistently—not just occasionally. His example stands in contrast to the modern Western emphasis on privacy and rigid scheduling. Instead, Jesus demonstrated a life of relational discipleship, marked by continual presence and deep community (Acts 2:42-47; Hebrews 10:24-25).

Replacing genuine, hands-on fellowship—where tears are shed, and vulnerability and transparency are present—with a structured fellowship group alone is not what Jesus modeled for His disciples or for us, His Church. This is not to diminish the value of fellowship groups; they serve a good purpose. They provide an intentional space for sharing meals and help bridge the gap for those learning how to build relationships. As a church, we are implementing them for this very reason. However, we recognize that if fellowship groups become the sole means of connection, they risk fostering a false sense of unity. True spiritual growth will be stunted, and relational barriers will remain unchallenged.

The purpose of a fellowship group is to foster intentionality and provide an opportunity to build deeper relationships outside of the group. It can serve as a starting point, but it is not meant to be the ultimate expression of fellowship. While fellowship groups have value, they can sometimes unintentionally replace the deeper connections that only happen in more intimate settings—such as a dinner with just two couples or a one-on-one conversation at a café or in each other’s homes. Fellowship groups are beneficial, but they must be accompanied by ongoing personal connections. Without these deeper relationships within the church, people may miss out on experiencing the kind of fellowship that Jesus Himself modeled.

Our church’s vision for fellowship groups is to cultivate relationships that encourage spiritual growth and connection to others, helping members become more like Jesus by loving God above all else and sacrificially serving others. Fellowship group hosts, under the guidance of the elders and ministry leaders, are expected to model Christlike character, care for others selflessly, and maintain a strong biblical foundation. The goal is to create opportunities for people to grow in a deeper relationship with God and one another so that their love for each other becomes a powerful witness to the world of God’s love.

I am grateful for the leaders in our church who are faithfully leading these fellowship groups. They have demonstrated both maturity and a clear understanding of the principles I’m sharing here. They also recognize the potential shortcomings of fellowship groups, particularly how they can become shallow without deeper, more personal connections. While there are challenges, their experience and awareness of the need for smaller, more intentional gatherings—especially as our church grows—help ensure that no one is overlooked or left feeling disconnected.

Any effort to create opportunities for fellowship should be welcomed, as long as it fosters genuine, Christ-centered relationships rather than becoming a superficial, routine obligation. When the focus is on building meaningful connections—where one-on-one and heart-to-heart conversations take place—God is glorified. 

While structured fellowship groups may not be necessary for everyone, they can serve as a valuable starting point for those who need an introduction to the church community. Many in our church already engage in organic, meaningful relationships without the need for a formal gathering, but for others, having a structured space can help them take that first step toward deeper fellowship.

Tonight, we experienced this firsthand during dinner with a couple we’ve met with twice who are new to the church. It was a time of sweet fellowship and joy. The hope is that more connections like this will begin within fellowship groups but not end there. Lord willing, these gatherings will grow into deeper, more regular relationships—just as Christ shared with His disciples. Without that kind of meaningful connection, we risk becoming just another social gathering rather than a Christ-centered community.